"Consuming", "blazing," "burning," "lethal," "shattering" words are never strong enough when we want to explain what passion, passionate love is. Compared to this tremendous energy bomb that draws more than one into its slide, other second expressions of love such as amorousness, romance and tender love seem faded, a bit dull and gray. Why this fascination? Who does it affect? How long can we burn?
If passion attracts all of us, if it inspires songs and novels, it is seen, however, by many as something dangerous, almost a disease that can lead to great evil and great pain. Suffering and despair to all who come in the way of passion. Therefore, it may be appropriate for all of us to form our own opinion about the phenomenon before we let ourselves be devoured.
We cannot control what is uncontrollable; we cannot either escape passion when it strikes us. However, we may seek to ride it out until it turns into love of calmer waters. Passion takes dominion of us, we lose control of ourselves. It looks like a runaway horse. The adventure could end if the rider falls from the horse - and it may be difficult to keep sitting on the horse - and if the rider manages to keep his position, he does not know whereto the journey carries him away. At the best, the runaway horse will bring him to to the stable, deap and long lasting love.
Passion and love are not the same. Passion is a fire, turns us upside down all over in our world, make us question all our previous beliefs, deport us completely. All stable land disappears. Love on the contrary carries us, teaches us to construct our lives and puts us on the path to perfection, to a happy life. Passion cuts our wings off, captivates us and draws us into a frantic pace. Love teaches us to build our life together with the beloved. The couples who have managed to remain on the runaway horse have left the stormy emotions behind them but they are not forgotten. They may even be the basis for the continued loving life.
Does love have 3 faces?
First, the passionate love.
The heart is rushing, euphoria and fear alternate between each other. Desire and passion may never have enough. Even a short separation from the loved one feels unbearable. We lose our footing. We cannot live without the beloved. One human being is lacking and the whole world becomes empty. Anxiety and dread are constant that something can happen that breaks up the passion. However, if the great passion has a beginning it also has an end. It tends to be 6 months and up to 2 years at most.
So what? "He (she) has changed." "I do not recognize him (her)," you say maybe to yourself in amazement. The other party appears always in its reality at the end. Either we accept facts and the couple enters into a new relationship, or we feel the shock to be too great. Everything falls apart. The disappointment may even take the form of passion turned into its opposite, resentment and hatred.
Love passionately is to discover the ability within ourselves to experience emotions with an intensity of which we may previously have had no idea and breaks thus the pattern of a previous gray and emotionally poor everyday life. The passionate love can have valuable and instructive elements. However, since it is self-centered, it can never be the solid foundation needed to build a genuine and happy couple. It is only when one accepts the other with his (her) values and weaknesses and we also have a full understanding of what we can bring ourselves that we can slide over from a risky passion to a more constructive and lasting love relationship.
The second face, friendship and love go hand in hand.
Can we call it friendship love?
If the passionate love turns us inward, excludes the outside world, friendship love opens us outwards. We understand each other, listen to each other, we are interested in each other and in the world. What could happen? Friendship can turn to love, attention getting warmer, the urge arises. We may desire to let feelings of love spring forth previously been held back due to low self-esteem or fear to put our friendship at risk. Love is then resting on a solid basis since it is the same as the one of the previous friendship.
Friendship love is not the denial of us; it is based on loving trust for the other to evolve over time and through shared experiences. The only risk here, the partners can become so accustomed to each other that too tepid feelings get free to install themselves at risk for either partner to find the grass greener elsewhere.
The third face, the deep love. This kind of love unites desire and reason. We love each other but we do not own each other. The deep love begins with the realization of what the other person really is, without any embellishments. What is important in this type of relationship is that the partners are independent of each other, but go equally into a relationship to share projects, wishes and common experiences.
But how do we make the difference between "love passionately" and "love deeply"? To love passionately is to have a strong feeling that we cannot live without the other. Love deeply is not to efface ourselves. The difference is respect for the other and of ourselves. Respect is the true love's best protection.
The forbidden love.
"He came like a breeze.
What does the wind care of prohibition?
He kissed your cheek,
He kissed all the blood to your skin.
It should have stopped with this:
you belonged to someone else, only borrowed
one night at lilac time
and at the month of golden rain." (Hjalmar Gullberg)
In 2007, Sweden had 47 898 marriages and 20 669 divorces. Frightening statistics. Almost half of the couples getting married are divorced a few years later.
The reasons are many but one takes precedence over all others. Marriages do not rest on the solid foundations on which they should have been built. Most likely it is the transition from the feverish passion of love of short inbuilt duration to a calmer and more stable love relationship that backfires. Great need seems to be in Sweden to learn to deal with love relationship in the right way.
100 years ago there were almost no divorces in Sweden, and at that time a man or especially a woman became ostracized from society if he or she was cheating. Nor was there the same opportunity to see and meet other people as nowadays with more women on the labor market and access to the current big amount of dating sites.
Hunting is big today after the great love. If we have the misfortune not to experience it, we run after great love
The problem with the forbidden love is the children. To believe that the forbidden love will be reduced is a fallacy. What is important is that children as much as possible do not have to suffer from the forbidden love of the parents.
The forbidden love rushes us away often without thought of the children. The children come first into the picture when decisions must be taken regarding the parents’ relationship.
The problem must be taken up with the children.
Children, especially small children, often do not understand what is happening to their parents. Even more ignorant can they be when they grow up. Setting a bad example is certainly not a good method of education.
Children will ask whether the parents no longer love each other. If divorce has to be the children must have assurance that both parents will always be available.
It is important that the children get to meet the new "friends". In the beginning it will be difficult for children to accept them. The “friends” have to develop all efforts to be accepted. The reasons for the divorce must also be explained to the children. The forbidden love exists. It belongs to couple relationships of today and must be explicated to the kids
Both parents have to sit down with the children and discuss the matter. Extremely important is that children get full assurance that both parents love them and always will love them..
Both parents should remain friends even after the divorce.